Run To The Father
How did I get here?
It’s a question I asked myself
long before last December,
long before God spoke
the word ABUNDANCE
to my heart
as my word for 2024.
It was in December, though.
December 19, 2021.
I remember the date
because it was my birthday,
To find the answer
to the question, however,
I had to go back
earlier in that year.
Having just spent
the end of 2020
packing up my house,
2021 found me starting
all over again
packing up my mother’s.
Only my mother
didn’t want her house
packed up.
I totally understood.
I had felt the exact same way
when I had been
packing up all of mine.
Trying my best to
do what needed to be done
while navigating
the sea of her emotions
along with my own
ocean of emotions
found me drowning in stress.
Physical stress –
from the task at hand –
as well as emotional stress.
So much stress.
Too much stress,
evidently.
Soon little red dots started
appearing on my legs,
followed later by
little blood vessel breakage in my arms,
and soon after that,
the rapid breakdown
of blood vessels in my lower leg
which created a huge open wound.
A trip to the hospital,
a diagnosis of
leukocytoclastic vasculitis,
(that test after test after test
could only be attributed to stress)
bandaged compression on my leg,
high doses of prednisone,
orders to sit with my leg elevated
not for weeks
but for months –
(over seven months to be exact)
all while my mom
expressed her unhappiness
day after day after day –
this,
this is how I got here:
weighing the most
I had ever weighed
in my entire life.
And while God
was right there with me
comforting and strengthening,
I also found myself
finding comfort in
what used to just be
a favorite dish:
papas con chile
(fried potatoes with red chile).
Somehow in this
very hard season
this dish
went from being
a favorite meal
of mine and my late husband
(the reason I think it felt
so comforting to me)
to feeling like my best friend,
right along with
cookies and cream shakes.
Have you ever been there?
That December day,
on my fifty-sixth birthday,
I started the battle
to lose
all that I had gained
that wasn’t really gain at all
but was instead loss
in so many ways.
ABUNDANCE
Last night,
as I stretched out
on my bedroom floor –
just like I do most nights –
doing stomach crunches
and leg lifts to tackle
some of the extra weight
that is still hanging on,
I thought about this word
and my God
who is more than enough.
Why –
when my season
was so hard –
did I find myself
still in lack?
still in need?
still desiring something else?
something more than God?
Why wasn’t He enough?
Why wasn’t He more than enough?
As I engaged my heart
while engaging my abs,
the answer became painfully simple:
I didn’t always run to Him.
(Insert tears here)
I ran instead to empty wells.
I ran to the refrigerator instead of my knees.
I ran to food instead of The Bread of Life.
I ran in the wrong direction.
And as delicious
as a plate of
papas con chile is,
it can never ever
satisfy
or comfort
like Jesus can,
like Holy Spirit does.
Not even close.
It did nothing
but weigh me down,
leaving me
still hurting
and still depressed
when the last bite was gone.
Make no mistake about it:
Our God is enough.
Our God is MORE than enough.
But,
like the prodigal son,
we often have to
discover first hand
there is no place like home.
There is
no comfort,
no security,
no peace,
no joy,
no love,
like the Father’s.
Everything God is
is everything we need.
But,
it’s up to you and me
to come to our senses
and run to our Father.
When we do,
He will provide all we need.
When we do,
we find He is more than enough.
When we do,
we find our deepest needs
are filled to overflowing.
In Him,
our soul is satisfied
ABUNDANTLY.
How did I get here?
I know how.
Chances are you do, too.
Where do we go from here?
The answer is amazingly simple
and sounds a lot like
amazing grace –
we run to our Father.
~Stacy
This post is the sixth post in the ABUNDANCE series.
The first post is “Abundance”, followed by “FULLY LOVED”, “In a New Light”, “Less is More” and “Choose Life”.
