By My Side
Lying in bed,
side by side,
the faint light
from the bedside lamp
soft on my husband’s face
and my head
soft on his shoulder,
I listened as my man
read a selection
of Bible verses.
It’s how he ended
every single day,
and when I married him,
I was graciously
invited in
to his daily routine.
As he read aloud –
a compilation of
topical scriptures
from one of his
favorite books,
he would start a verse
and I would try to finish it.
Night after night,
year after year,
verse after verse.
It’s the way
we grew in God’s Word
together.
It’s the reason
why so much of God’s Word
is hid in my heart today.
And it’s the place
where the Holy Spirit
spoke truth into my heart
via this man by my side.
Like the night
that found me
hearing and contemplating
this passage of scripture:
But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; by pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned.
~2 Corinthians 6:4-6
“What does ‘love unfeigned’ mean?” I asked.
“Oh, that’s easy to explain,” my man replied.
Then, after a sly grin, he continued.
“That’s the opposite of how you sometimes ‘love’.”
And yes,
in case you are wondering,
this man of mine,
put down the book
he was reading from
and used both hands
to make air quotes
around the word love
when he said it.
I lifted my head
from off his shoulder,
and looked him
right in the eyes.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He (and the Holy Spirit)
had my full
and complete attention now.
“Love unfeigned means
a love that is real, genuine, sincere.”
He let this definition
hang in the air
and simply waited
for me (via the Holy Spirit)
to connect the dots.
“Wait?! What?!
I thought you said
love unfeigned
was the opposite
of how I love sometimes.”
There was that
sly grin again
and a silence
that left me alone
with my thoughts
and this new revelation.
“Are you saying
my love is fake?”
More silence.
“Not genuine?”
“Not real?”
And then,
all I could say
wasn’t spoken in words,
but through tears
now rolling
down my cheeks.
“Oh, sweet baby.
Don’t cry, Beautiful.
Your love IS
real, genuine and sincere
most of the time.
It’s only feigned
in times when
you say “yes”
when in your heart
you don’t want to.
Then, you pretend,
you’re ok with it,
when really you aren’t.”
Again, he let
his words hang
in the air
while I tried to
first, receive them –
then, digest and accept them.
“You know what I mean,
right, Baby?”
I nodded my head yes.
Then,
with the same hands
he had used
to make the air quotes,
he gently wiped
the tears
still flowing
from my exposed heart.
“You think you’re doing
a good thing by saying yes.
I know you do.
But, if you don’t
genuinely mean it,
if your heart isn’t truly in in,
if it’s not sincere,
it is feigned love.
And – that’s the opposite
of love unfeigned
as spoken of in this passage.”
I gently rested my head
back on his shoulder
as the Holy Spirit
gently rested this
oh so very true of me truth
front and center on my heart.
“The way you love
is beautiful, Beautiful.
It really is.
But love unfeigned,
this is what true love is
and this is the kind of love
God is calling us –
both of us –
you AND ME, to have.
No resentment attached.
No bitterness involved.
Just pure, sincere, real.”
Closing the book,
he placed it on the nightstand
and turned off the light.
After kissing my forehead
and holding me tight,
this precious man of mine
prayed a most precious prayer
thanking God for His Word,
and for His Spirit,
and that through both
we might become
more like Him.
It’s how he ended
every single day,
and when I married him,
I was graciously
invited in
to his daily routine.
It’s the way
we grew in our love of God
together.
It’s the reason
why so much love for God
(and love unfeigned)
is in my heart today.
And it’s the place
where the Holy Spirit
transformed my heart
via this man by my side.
~Stacy
