Choose Life
“What are you doing, Beautiful?!”
As I stood in the produce section,
a bin of tomatoes in front of me,
this question –
that in my heart and in my mind
seemed as real as my husband
standing beside me asking it,
came barging into my thoughts.
Why it came here, now,
while I was grocery shopping,
I haven’t a clue.
Why it came, though –
the thought of my husband
who passed away eight years ago
asking the question –
this I knew.
It had been a hard day.
A very hard day.
A day that included
harsh words,
untrue statements,
accusations,
and anger.
So much anger.
And me,
instead of side-stepping
or dosey-doing around
all the hurt –
(I try – most times, in fact,
I try every dance step possible
to dodge the hurt,
to keep the song in my heart
and my joy intact)
this time I had allowed myself
to absorb it all,
to let it all soak in,
so much so
that standing here now,
reaching for tomatoes,
every. single. muscle.
in my body hurt.
“I have come that they may have life
and that they may have it more abundantly.“
~John 10:10
After Psalms 51,
this was my man’s
favorite verse in the Bible.
Like all of God’s Word,
my husband took it to heart.
If Jesus paid such an
extravagant price for him
to have life
and have it more abundantly,
then he was going to have it –
every bit of it,
abundantly!
And, he did.
The fact that he did
brought my heart
so much comfort in his death.
He lived a life of ABUNDANCE
filled with laughter, joy,
contentment (he was SO content)
and a love of and for life.
Me – I was a mess.
Especially when
we first me and
through the early years
of our marriage.
Every time I would start
to feel the stress of life
weighing me down,
physically hurting my body,
he would look right at me –
with a look of both
sorrow and a wee bit of anger
(because he loved so much) –
and ask,
“What are you doing, Beautiful?!
It’s only the world.
It’s not worth losing your joy, is it?
It’s not worth losing your health, is it?
C’mon Stac, choose life.”
As I stood in front of the tomatoes,
I fought back tears.
This thought of words spoken
so many times over so many years,
ushered a new thought to my mind
that almost broke my heart.
“You would be so upset at me, Handsome,
So upset. So diappointed.
And you’d be so right to be so.”
Not just for this day,
but for weeks –
months –
(off and on for over four years)
I had been missing out
on the abundant life
Jesus died to give me
because I was allowing the
wrong kind of abundance
to take front and center.
And then it was the voice
of my Heavenly Father,
not audible, but undeinable
that spoke to me next.
“What are you doing, sweet girl?!
Look at all these tomatoes.
Every time you shop for them
you are
so. very. careful.
about which ones you
pick up and put in your cart.
Oh, sweet girl.
Tomatoes don’t matter.
You matter.
Your heart matters.
What you willfully choose
to “pick up” and put in your heart –
that’s what matters.
Choose life.
Abundant life.”
Instantly, I thought of the
first part of John 10:10 –
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy . . .”
The enemy
wasn’t even having
to try
to steal my joy,
or try
to kill and destroy my health –
I was doing it myself.
And the really sad part –
I knew better.
For half of my life,
my man and my God
had taught me and shown me
the way to real life,
a life of ABUNDANCE.
More than I needed
tomatoes that day,
I needed the reminder
to choose life,
to guard my heart,
to remember it’s only the world
it’s not worth losing my joy over,
it’s not worth losing my health over,
and most of all –
it’s not worth me missing out
on the abundant life
Jesus’ died for me to have
TO THE FULL,
HERE,
NOW,
standing in the produce section,
picking out tomatoes.
And I thought back
to an old envelope
I found as I was
packing up our house
and choosing what
to pick up and bring with me
to my new home.
Not having a piece of paper,
my man had used it
to write me a note
one morning before
I headed out the door to work.
On the front
of the envelope he wrote:
“THIS is the day
the Lord has made for YOU.
Go out,
be glad,
and enjoy
what God has planned for you.
Enjoy!
No fear.
No doubts.
Freedom 🙂
Then,
flipping the envelope over,
he punctuated this thought
by writing these final words –
“We do God an injustice
by not enjoying
what He planned
at the foundation of creation
for each new day.
Love you, Beautiful.”
ABUNDANCE –
it come at us in all
shapes and forms.
The only abundance
that brings life
and life to the full, though,
is that which comes
from Jesus.
“I have come that they may have life
and that they may have it more abundantly.”
As I quickly snatched
some tomatoes
and placed them in my cart,
I answered the questions
that mattered most.
“What are you doing, Beautiful?!”
“I’m choosing joy, Handsome.”
“What are you doing, sweet girl??”
“I’m choosing life, Jesus.
I’m choosing the abundant life you died to give me.
I’m choosing to live in ABUNDANCE.”
~Stacy
This post is the fifth post in the ABUNDANCE series.
The first post is “Abundance”, followed by “FULLY LOVED”, “In a New Light”, and “Less is More”.
