In a New Light
From where
I now sit,
over two months
of pursuing
and embracing ABUNDANCE
behind me,
I have learned
to see phrases –
all too familiar to me –
in a new light.
Phrases like
“I can’t”
“I don’t know how”
“I haven’t got what it takes”
“I shouldn’t have done that” –
to name a few.
And I’ve discovered
these phrases,
which use to sound
like admitted defeat,
leaving me
in a crumbled mess –
are in actuality,
the exact opposite.
For over four years,
I have been
living
under the same roof
as my mother
who has dementia.
For over four years,
I have been
serving
(struggling, if we’re being honest,
which it looks like we are)
as her fulltime caregiver.
For over four years,
I have been
trying
(now that’s the honest truth)
and . . . failing
(oh – so much truth here)
as both a daughter
and a caregiver.
And, for over four years,
I have been
echoing these phrases
over and over –
I can’t . . .
I don’t . . .
I haven’t . . .
I shouldn’t. . .
But,
on that December day,
the day when
out of the blue,
God dropped
ABUNDANCE
into my heart
as my word for the year
for 2024,
everything shifted.
That very night,
on bent knees,
tears streaming down my cheeks,
defeat swirling all around me
from the mistakes of my day,
I cried out once again –
“Lord, I can’t do this,
Lord, I don’t know how to be a mother to my mother.
Lord, I haven’t got what it takes.
Lord, I shouldn’t have said that that way.
Lord, I shouldn’t have done that that way.”
But, this time –
I also added,
“Oh, precious Lord,
you know me.
You know there is
absolutely nothing
abundant about me.
Where is the
ABUNDANCE
in this?
in me?
here?
now?
I had barely spoken
the words
out of my mouth
before I heard
the answer
resounding in my heart.
I AM.
Come to me,
all you who are
weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you
and learn from Me,
because I am lowly
and humble in heart,
and you will find
rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy
and My burden is light.
~Matthew 11:28-30
And it was in
this light –
the light of Jesus
and His invitation
to come to Him,
to take His yoke,
to learn from The One
whose yoke was easy
and whose burden was light –
that I began
to find
true rest for my soul.
That night,
my place of struggle
became instead
my place of surrender.
That night
my place of inadequacy
became instead
His place of invitation.
That night
my place of not enough
became instead
His place of ABUNDANCE.
This calling,
this doing,
this being,
is not left
to me
to do on my own.
This calling,
this doing,
this being
is actually God
calling me
to do it
and be it
through the power
of His Spirit
at work in me
and through me
as we –
my precious Jesus and I,
are
yoked
together.
That night
I learned
the way to
ABUNDANCE
begins with defeat
and ends with
sweet surrender.
For
ABUNDANCE
is found
in none other
than
the Great
I AM.
~Stacy
This post is the third post in the ABUNDANCE series.
The first post is “Abundance”, followed by “FULLY LOVED”.
