Surrender
Two years after losing my man,
I started walking.
And I do mean walking.
It wasn’t an intentional choice.
I’m not a walker.
But that day,
January 8, 2018,
to be exact,
I walked out my front door
headed to the
collection of mailboxes
at the end of my cul de sac
and
just
kept
going.
And going.
And going.
I ended up walking
my neighborhood,
the next neighborhood over,
and the one after that.
When I finally reached
the collection of mailboxes
on my cul de sac again,
my fitbit showed
seven miles and then some.
It felt so good –
the moving of body,
the breathing in air,
the talking to God,
the releasing of tears,
the seeing beauty,
the hearing birds singing,
the smiling at people in their yards –
I did it again the next day.
And the next day.
For over two years,
I walked.
One day –
I can still remember
the exact spot
of sidewalk I was on –
out of the blue,
God spoke these
words deep in my spirit:
“Peace is found in the surrender.”
Prior to these words,
I hadn’t been talking to God
about peace or surrender.
I was just merrily walking along
when suddenly those words
echoed through my spirit.
I thought about them
all the rest of my walk.
And as I did,
I kept seeing the face
of my husband,
moments after he took
his last breath,
his body stretched
out on our bathroom floor.
P E A C E
An ABUNDANCE of peace
is what I felt
in the moment
I saw him.
It wrapped around me
as tenderly as a mother
cradles her tiny child.
God holding me,
His peace –
a peace that passes
all understanding.
My man’s beautiful brown eyes
were open wide,
a look of pure joy
radiating from his face.
A heart attack
might have been
what took his life,
but it was more than
obvious to me,
there had been absolutely
no struggle on his part –
just surrender.
Total.
Complete.
Surrender.
Peace.
So much peace.
And it was beautiful.
ABUNDANCE
This is the word
God spoke to my heart
as my word for 2024.
As I am walking it out,
not physically now
but spiritually –
I hear God speaking
this same
profound truth
deep in my spirit.
Only now,
He’s added in
ABUNDANCE.
Peace is found in the surrender.
and so is ABUNDANCE.
I know why God
chose to speak those words
as I walked along that day.
Deep in the waves of grief,
I was fighting
to find my way back up again,
to find solid footing,
to find direction,
to find my life again –
but I was also
fighting with everything in me
to keep from accepting
this new place I found myself.
I wanted nothing to do
with being a widow.
I wanted my husband back.
The fight was exhausting.
My life
(the living of it – not just existing)
was pouring through my hands
with every tear that fell.
It’s why I started walking –
to save my life.
A mile or so later –
after God spoke
to my heart that day,
I came upon a young man,
probably in his early twenties.
As I waved and said, “Hello”,
I noticed he had not one,
but two prosthetic legs.
He waved as he passed by,
and with a smile
he said words
I will never forget:
“You know,
if you ever get tired of walking,
you can always run.“
So often when we get
tired of the fight,
tired of the struggle,
tired of it all,
we opt for quitting.
Tired of walking?
Sit down.
Take a break.
STOP.
But no –
that wasn’t this young man’s
word for me that day,
and it wasn’t God’s word, either.
Because
while peace is found
in the surrender,
surrender doesn’t mean
giving up.
At least not where
the Lord is concerned.
I have come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.
~John 10:10
. . . let us strip off every weight
that slows us down,
especially the sin that
so easily trips us up.
And let us run with endurance
the race God has set before us.
~Hebrews 12:1-2
Surrender means
letting go of
what is holding us back
so we can take hold of
all that is up ahead.
Surrender means
if we get tired of walking,
we don’t sit down,
we run –
to what’s ahead,
to the Father,
to life and life more abundant.
ABUNDANCE
can only be ours
when,
through surrender,
we make room
for the new
God longs to do.
Peace is found in the surrender
and then surrender ushers in
God’s ABUNDANCE.
My man showed me
up close and personal
the peace that comes
in surrendering.
My God longs to show me
up close and personal,
the peace, yes,
but also the ABUNDANCE
that is waiting there, too.
I’m getting pretty tired of walking.
I think it’s time to run.
~Stacy
This post is the twelfth post in the ABUNDANCE series.
The first post is “Abundance”, followed by “FULLY LOVED”, “In a New Light”, “Less is More”,“Choose Life”,“Run to The Father”, “Keep Looking”, “Doubling Up”, “The Referral” and “The Question”
