Come a Little Further

It was as if
the Lord, Himself,
was at the end
of the hood of my car.

With His arms outstretched,
and his fingers 
curling inward,
in a back and forth motion,
my spirit man
could see His Spirit,
encouraging me
to keep coming.

"Just a little bit more."

"Come a little further."

It was July 2016.
Bags packed 
in the trunk
and God's message
tucked in my heart,
I was headed 
to a camp 
in the nearby mountains
to speak 
at a Women's Retreat.

The only problem -
(and really,
problem doesn't come close
to being an adequate word here)
in all my years of marriage,
I had never 
driven myself
in the mountains.

Don't get me wrong.
I can mountain drive.
Wolf Creek Pass - 
been there, done that.
Curves, steep grades
and low grades -
something I'm ok with.

What I wasn't ok with
on this particular day,
what the fact that 
I was the one 
in the driver seat,
and not my husband.

That I was the one -
the only one -
in the car, 
period.

That I was 
driving this
all too familiar drive
all alone.

Having lost my man
barely five months
prior to this excursion,
my heart was thick
in all the emotional mess
that accompanies
loss and grief.

And for some reason,
as I started
inching my way
closer and closer 
to the nearby mountains,
my heart started 
fighting me
to stop.

To not go
one mile further.

The reason:
All the "last times" 
I'd traveled this way
was with my man.
Me going alone now
felt as though
it was erasing 
all the previous times
we had gone together.

It was as though
my heart knew
my husband and I
could never 
go this way again
and I had to 
some how,
some way
hold on to 
the last time we did.

Knowing I had an obligation -
(a God-ordained one at that)
and yet,
feeling almost paralyzed
to drive any further,
without even realizing it,
I started slowing down.

As tears started
streaming down my face,
prayers started 
ascending from my heart.

"Lord, help me,
I have to get
to this retreat,
but I just can't go 
one mile more."

It was then -
with the car
almost at a stop,
that I felt
the Lord 
in front of me,
encouraging me
to come a little further.

And, I did.

A little bit more
and a little bit more
until forty miles or so later,
I pulled into the camp.

And,
what a blessed weekend 
it turned out to be.

God was so very faithful
to use me to minister 
to the ladies attending,
(Thank you, Lord)

But, He was also faithful
to tenderly and lovingly
use this 
journey to the mountains
to reveal to my heart
three important truths
that would 
carry me through
(even now)
my journey of grief. 

Truth One:
A new memory doesn't erase an old one.

Praise God for this!

Truth Two:
All I
(and you)
ever have to do
is take the next step.

Just the next step,
Then,
the next step.
And, 
the next.
Then, 
the next.

We don't have to
do this journey
all at once -
we just have to
come a little further,
one step more.

Truth Three:
The Lord 
is with me 
(and you)
every step.

Praise God for this, too!

He never leaves us
or forsakes us.

Just like He 
had been faithful
to lead and accompany
my husband and me
all the times 
in the past,
He assured me
He would be 
faithful to lead 
and go with me
into all the 
places up ahead,

All I
(and you)
need to do 
is just 
be faithful to
come a little further,
just a little bit more.

To take one more step.

To hear.
To trust.
To obey.

One step at a time.

~Stacy

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