Live Out Loud
When I lost my husband,
out of the blue,
completely unexpectedly
to a heart attack
eight years ago,
there were no parting words.
Racing home to him,
he was gone
seconds before
I was at his side.
In the days and weeks
that followed his passing,
I was especially weighed low
by one particular thing –
I didn’t get to tell my man
thank you.
Thank you for choosing me.
Thank you for caring for me.
Thank you for putting up with me.
Thank you for forgiving me (so many times).
Thank you for living life with me.
Thank you for loving me.
(Just to name the first few of
an extremely long list)
I didn’t get
to tell him “Thank you”.
More than saying “goodbye”,
or even “I love you”
this is what mattered most to me.
It happened again
just two weeks ago,
only not in the way
you might expect.
I had been writing out
Easter cards and
sharing words about
our Savior’s great love
and the blessed hope
of new life in Jesus.
Card after card –
while each person was
uniquely thought of and
my spirit listened hard
for what His Spirit
would have me write
to each and every one –
in light of the upcoming
Resurrection Sunday,
the words written inside
in various Spirit led ways –
were all words of rejoicing,
encouragement,
and our blessed hope.
Except in one.
As I started to write
in the last Easter card,
the thanksgiving in my heart
for this precious one
flowed out of my pen.
A prayer warrior
on the front lines,
I wrote words of thanksgiving
for every prayer
this prayer warrior
had prayed over me
the past seventeen years.
(Can you imagine
how many prayers that is?!)
I thanked her for the
beautiful difference
she made in my life.
I thanked her
deep and wide
out of the overflow
of my thanksgiving
for all she was to me.
Later that day,
I took my stack of cards
to the post office
and mailed them.
The next morning,
I received a text
from a dear friend.
My sister in Christ,
my precious prayer warrior,
the one my heart
was so full of thanksgiving for
passed away the day before.
The very day I wrote her card.
I didn’t get
to tell her thank you
after all.
And just like with my man,
this not getting to thank her
has weighed so heavy on my heart.
ABUNDANCE
This is the word
God spoke to my heart
as my word for the year
for 2024.
Only to see it played out here
in this turn of events now,
God took me back
to six months after losing my man,
to August, 2016.
Not wanting me to be alone
on my first anniversary
without my other half,
my sister had invited me
to spend some time with her family.
And while I was at her home
I had a vivid dream.
My husband was suddenly back
and we were seated at a table
getting ready to enjoy a meal.
Knowing I had been given
this chance to finally
tell him thank you,
I kept trying and trying and trying,
only he kept
interrupting and interrupting and interrupting.
I couldn’t get a word in.
As quick as the dream came
it was over and so was my
chance of saying “thank you”.
With tears in my eyes
as I came downstairs for coffee,
I shared the dream and my
heartbreaking disappointment
with my sister.
Knowing my dream
seemed so real to me,
and knowing my heart
was raw with grief,
my sister looked right at me
and matter-of-factly said,
“You didn’t need to tell him.
He already knew.
Didn’t you thank him
all the time you were married?
Every day for this?
Every day for that?
You didn’t need to tell him.
He knew you loved him.
He knew you were thankful.
There’s nothing you could tell him
he didn’t already know.“
And I thought
of my precious friend,
gone so quick,
no goodbye,
no I love you,
no thank you.
But then I thought, too,
of every hug after we prayed,
of every “thank you”
spoken after every “amen”.
The true ABUNDANCE
of my thankfulness
could never have
fit inside that
never to be opened card.
Thankfully,
it was expressed
in the living out
of my every day
ordinary life with her.
I can’t help thinking –
that just like my man –
she already knew.
And I can’t help believing
this is the kind of life
God would have us live.
A life where
we live out loud an
ABUNDANCE
of love and thanksgiving
each and every day.
So that –
if and when
the time comes
where there is no more time
to say “I love you”,
to say “thank you”,
nothing will ever
have gone unsaid
because
it has already been spoken,
it has already been expressed,
it has already been made
ABUNDANTLY clear.
And of course,
the only thing
that should go
without saying
(but I’m saying it here
because it needs
to be said)
is this:
more than my man
and more than my friend
and more than anyone else
in my life or yours,
our God
should know
the depth of our love,
the width of our thanksgiving
by the way we
live out our life
with Him
and for Him.
ABUNDANCE
It’s too big of a word
for one “thank you”,
for one “I love you”,
for one Easter card.
True ABUNDANCE
of love and thanksgiving
take a lifetime to express.
But,
if we do it right,
one lifetime
(until we meet again in Heaven)
is more than enough.
~Stacy
This post is the fourteenth post in the ABUNDANCE series.
The first post is “Abundance”, followed by “FULLY LOVED”, “In a New Light”, “Less is More”, “Choose Life”, “Run to The Father”, “Keep Looking”, “Doubling Up”, “The Referral”, “The Question”, “Death Brings Life” “Surrender” and “I’ve Got a God For That”
